I don't even know what to say or what to believe. I haven't been there like I've promised. Though my reasons for not being there (physically) are not my fault, I still feel like I could be a better person. I hate myself right now for not being able to bring my grandmother home, for not being able to stay with Kris and hold her hand through this, and for not being able to do all of that at the same time. I know that there is no possible way to be in two places at once or to fix all these problems with my sole hand, but I just hope that Thursday comes faster so I can see my grandmother again and see Kris and hear everything from beginning to end. I know this probably makes little to no sense to any of you right now because I am just rambling and vomiting all of my thoughts into this post, but please forgive me.
I don't feel confident in myself right now and being at the hospital five times since last Tuesday is making me feel sad and powerless. Being away from Kris who is in a time of need makes me feel like the worst person in the world.