love sees no colour.

One of my favourite things to do in the summer time is sit outside on my front porch and watch the rain fall down, the lightning flash, and the thunder sound. It's just started to rain where I am. The windows aren't letting in sun as they once were earlier today, the trees outside my window are blowing strong - this way and that - with the wind, and a chime in my backyard is singing with every gust. Sometimes I wish life was as easy to describe as a rain storm. Yes, rain storms are messy and annoying, but they're beautiful to watch and you know at the end of it all there is going to be a rainbow. 

Life, however, doesn't always have this confirmation. I mean, it's nice to believe that everything is going to be okay, and 99.9 per cent of the time I'm thinking for a better future, but a situation I'm currently observing seems a long shot away from okay. The situation I'm talking about has to do with the old friend I mentioned in my previous post. I can't really get into too much detail about it, I'm not even sure I'm supposed to know, but I just want everything to be okay.

If it gets worse than this, I might have to step back. I've been honest with my friend and I've told her what I think. I can't exactly comment on the things I haven't been told by her, first hand. I sort of feel like nothing is true any more, and that scares me because I should know truth especially with someone I've known since I was very little.

I'm always going to blame myself for what happened a few years ago. That night sparked the beginning of this down-turning spiral, I assume. I haven't even been told about that incident first hand, either. But, maybe, just maybe, if I was there things could have been different. I know our actions provoke other actions and that nothing is ever one sole person's fault, but things could very well be different now if I had been involved that night. 

Who knows what will go on from here.