Wednesday, May 19, 2010

lemon water in the long day's sunshine.

Today. It was the first time that I experienced summer this year, for real. I woke up. I did an hour of weight loss yoga, relaxing at the same time, and letting every bead of sweat fall off my body like any mistake, unwanted memory, or too much of the same thought. It felt good to sweat and feel the heat rise off of my body while holding a Warrior Two position, strengthening my inner thighs, my core, and my soul. I didn't do the Level 3 work out as I normally would, since tonight I have kickboxing. Last week, I worked myself too hard before kickboxing and found that I had no energy during the class. Tonight, I want it to be different. I want to feel my muscles shake. I want to feel the sweat all over my body as my muscles continue to tone and my fat continues to burn. Tonight, I will push myself. I'm happy with how my body looks today, happier than I was last week, but I want to keep working hard because I'm not quite there yet. I still lack the confidence I wish I had.

After my work out this morning, I went outside to read. I finished "Girl Meets Boy" by Ali Smith with the sun beating down on my shoulders, browning my arms slightly, and burning the tip of my nose. "Girl Meets Boy" was revolutionary. Though it only had 161 pages of text (or something like that), each page held a lesson that I will always remember.

For starters, "Girl Meets Boy" was not an ordinary love story. I thought it was going to be, which was why I picked up the book, but I was fooled (in a good way). The story was about a girl named Anthea who was finding herself. She falls in love with a girl named Robin. Her sister, Imogen, doesn't approve of Anthea's homosexual preferences. However, at the end of the novel the two sisters have more in common than you'd think. See, Imogen worked for "Pure," a water bottle company, that wanted to own everything and dismantle the intention of owning water. Anthea taught Imogen the difference between right and wrong and that no matter your gender, every one is capable of loving, doing right, and working hard to achieve goals.

Imogen: "What are you? What have you done to my sister?"
Robin: "I'm me."

Upon finishing the somewhat confusing, poetic, and brilliant novel, I took out an old journal and started writing again. I wrote about some thoughts I've been having (about love, friendship, etc) and I really enjoyed it. I never wanted to stop writing in my journal, I just started this blog and put my journal to rest. However, I have many pages to fill and I plan on doing so online and for my own persona, my own psyche, my own soul.

All of this, along with many glasses of lemon water, was done with my bare skin underneath the strong sunlight. "Twenty-five degrees, the weather man said, will be the high for today." He's right. Being outside with my thoughts, my book, and the sunshine gave me such a high that I can't wait to return to soon. Tomorrow is supposed to be twenty-eight degrees with sunshine. Cass might come over and I hope we can walk, talk, and enjoy the beautiful weather together :).

I don't know when I'm seeing Nick, next. That's partially my fault. No, it's entirely my fault. I don't think I'm going to Buffalo any more (I'm not sure if I wrote about this potential, but I'm 85 per cent sure that I am not going to shop in the United States this long Victoria Day Weekend) so I want to see him at some point. I just don't know when or what we could do. He owes me a movie, well actually he owes me two. Whether or not we see a movie, I just want to hang out with him. I saw him for half-an-hour on Monday. That's it. I don't see him everyday. We normally hang out once or twice a week (but for longer intervals of course). 

I've been invited by Vic to a party on Friday night. Cass has invited me to tie dye on Saturday. I don't want to turn anyone down, it's in my nature. I wish I could just do everything and see everyone without having to say "no."

I'm sure everything will figure itself out.

1 comment:

~Abby~ said...

Don't worry, you'll get to your "confident place" soon! As long as you keep having the attitude that you do now. :)
I'm going to start writing in my journal again this summer!