Thursday, May 13, 2010

here without you.

I'm such a suck. I am sitting here (in my room) listening to "Here Without You" by Three Doors Down. This song reminds me of when I was in grade ten or eleven. I would lay in my bed and listen to the words praying and hoping that one of my closest friends (who was an idiot boy) would talk to me again. I broke his heart, and I was so sorry for doing that, but I just wanted to get back on track. I pretty much begged him to be my friend and he declined that offer. It's because of this situation that I found my love for Dallas Green, sappy acoustic music, and Dashboard Confessional. Most important rule - never date your best friend, it screws up life. I mean, him and I are on good terms now (I think?). He apologized to me, drunk, a few New Years Eves' ago. Though this story has absolutely no relation to why I am listening to "Here Without You" at the moment, I just thought I'd share that with you :). This song just came on my iTunes and I immediately raised the volume on my speakers. I love this song, whether or not it has a connection to the reason I was so emotional and had no self esteem between grade ten and eleven haha (If you, you know who you are, read this, don't take too much credit. I think everything happens for a reason and without the pain I went through, I would barely be who I am today. Because of you and others like you, that decided to talk behind my back, call me a "slut" even though I'd barely even made out with anyone [not even you despite what you told everyone, for the record], I've become much stronger. Thank you very much).

Now that that random rant is over and done with, I'd like to say that I had an amazing day. I got to my Nonno and Nonna's house at around 8:30am and hung out with my Nonno all day. We had a nice pizza lunch and he forced me to eat four huge ass pieces.

This was a conversation we had:

Nonno: Oh look, there's a nice big piece for you.
Me: Nonno, I'm so full.
Nonno: Mangia! (Eat!)
Me: Fine...
Nonno: Look at that, a nice small piece for me.
Me: You're like one of those sneaky cab drivers who try and take you the long way so you have to pay more money.
Nonno: Oh honey, you make-a-me laugh-a-so-a much. Thanks for coming to share your day with me.
Me: Thanks for being my friend, today :)

I love my Nonno. I guess part of the reason why I'm listening to "Here Without You" is because there was a lot of talk about death today. My Nonno said "Ma (but), I can't even die without having to pay money." I answered, "Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. I'm freezing you." He said, "Haha, thank you honey" (Imagine the thickest Italian accent imaginable, here). My Nonna also made me think of life and death because she has been having a lot of problems with her doctor. The pills she needs to take to be able to move (she has osteoarthritis, chronic bronchitis, asthma, and so many other things it's unbelievable) present risks for kidney and liver failure. However, if she stops taking these pills, she may never walk again. Well, her doctor is rude and just stopped prescribing these pills for my Nonna. I get his point and his concern, but my Nonna goes for blood tests every six months that check for liver and kidney problems, as well as many other problems under the sun! For the past ten years, she's been taking these pills and has never once experienced problems with her kidney and liver. She took regular Tylenol with Codeine for three months, out of her doctor's interest, and became immobile. It was so scary. Out of frustration, she started experiencing anxiety today. To boot, her doctor forced her to go try on these special elastic pantyhose that will improve her current poor blood circulation (they are over $100.00 a pair, by the way). My Nonna's legs are very swollen. Her bones are mush, too. None of these pantyhose fit her and my mom said she was in so much pain she started to cry. Upon hearing this, my Nonno started reacting and there were just too many elders with high blood pressure at that moment.

Things didn't stop there, though...

My Nonna needs a hearing aid. For two pieces (one in each ear) it will cost my grandparents $1400.00 with the Canadian government covering $1000.00 of the additional costs. In total, my Nonna needs a $2400.00 hearing aid. That stresses my grandparents out because, and I quote, "Three quarters of [their] pension goes to paying bills."

I guess this is what happens when old age does...but I just wish I could help in some way, shape, or form.

I also got upset because my grandmother (my Dad's mom - she thinks being called "Nonna" makes her sound old) is getting her blood test results back tomorrow after fainting a few weeks ago. I pray to THE LORD that nothing is wrong with her. I'd feel like the most horrible granddaughter knowing she's living with something awful as I'm keeping my love life a secret. No, I still haven't told my grandmother about Nick. I don't think she'd approve and I don't want her potential (hopefully no where in sight) sickness to be my reason for telling her. I am sad because being forced/choosing to keep Nick a secret has left this huge elephant in the room every time my grandmother and I are together. I'm sure that I'm the only one who notices this fat ass elephant, but still...

I wish I could just call up the phone and tell my grandmother everything. I'm just worried because I know the way she talks behind people's backs. She's done it to her sister's kids, why wouldn't she do it to her grandchildren? I guess that's mean, but it hurts me to be in this situation.

I guess all I can do is love all of my grandparents in the best way possible...

2 comments: said...

grandparents are such treasures

Francesca said...

Old age really makes me think, and sometimes makes me a little sad.
Your nonno sounds very amusing. :)