Saturday, January 22, 2011

your soul you must keep totally free.

I'm in an odd place at the moment. I'm attempting to make notes on my elective textbook but I have very little motivation since I'm all caught up on readings and weekly assignments and my midterm isn't until after reading week. I'm also thinking about tonight. I haven't been out to a bar, pub, or club in forever. When I mean forever I mean summer. I'm lucky enough to have been invited to a friend's birthday party tonight at the Madison (a pub in Toronto). I don't plan on overly forcing alcohol down my throat, but I am going to have a few drinks. I'm also going to let myself have fun; sing, dance, be silly, and take stupid pictures. I haven't done that in a long time. I'm going to live, finally. 

I know, I know... I'm being so dramatic but I am seriously excited just to let go for one night. I deserve it, I think. I worked out for eight days straight this past week, I am nowhere near behind in any of my classes, and I have been putting so much effort into everything, lately. I can put some effort into letting down my hair for one night, can't I? Oh yes I can. This mane of mine is coming down.

So essentially, I'm torn in a twilight zone (I hate this expression too, don't worry) where I want to be productive but since I have a good night to look forward to, my productivity levels aren't as high as they should be. 

Though this place that I'm in is unproductive at the moment, I feel calm and happy. I'm listening to Mumford and Sons as well as some Florence and the Machine. I'm sipping on lemon water. I'm thinking of life as it is right now.

Thinking of life as it is in this moment has some drawbacks, though. I've probably mentioned it before but I have an internship to complete in my fourth year of study. I'm seriously so excited to finally get out into the real world and do everything I've been learning about for real. There is one problem, though: where should I do my internship?

My top choice is Toronto Life magazine. I love it. I've purchased the last few issues and I am inspired by the writing within the publication, the book's target audience, and the places interning for this magazine could take me.

My program (Media Studies) has changed a little bit since I first started. I can now do my internship in the summer, fall, or winter semester of my fourth year whereas before, we were told we could only do the internship in the final semester of our fourth year. Great, right? Sort of. Most of the top publications or news outlets have deadlines for summer internships that date back to October. When did we find out about this change? Well, we haven't officially been informed of all the changes but we started hearing about them through e-mails and the grape vine in December or so. Two months past most deadlines.

Sure, there are always options. But, can I work two jobs, volunteer somewhere, and do my internship this summer? I have no idea. 

It's this right here that has been eating away at my stress levels lately. I'm not worried that I won't find an internship I am looking for, I just don't know how to get there or what to do right now at the start of it all.

All I can do is pay attention for further details. But, for tonight, I'm going to try not to think about this whole thing. I'll just keep my eyes and ears open, my efforts continuous, and my passions high.

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