Tuesday, November 30, 2010

true colours, like a rainbow.

It was a simple day in my elementary school when my friends and I were walking outside for recess. I,  being the klutz I am, wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and smashed my face into a pole holding up a door frame. The guy I had a crush on was behind me. He blamed my clumsiness on my weight and decided to walk onto the pavement and into the soccer field haven with his arms spread out--as if to mimic my circular body shape. For the rest of that recess period, every single boy was doing that; arms spread wide pretending to be the fat girl who was too big to fit through the doors. They were pretending to be me.

When I was in grade eight I weighed 180 lbs. Though I've shed close to 50 lbs from that original weight, I still carry the burden incidents like the one I explained above have caused me.

This incident took place probably eight or nine years ago. However, it is still very fresh in my mind and every time I feel out of place, I am taken back to that moment where I felt like I wasn't good enough.

I blame my insecurities on the fact that every single day of my elementary school life was a cycle of bullying. I'd get to school with high spirits but leave in tears. Guys never turned to look at me. Girls didn't want to be my friend.

Except, throughout my time there at the hell hole called St. Charles Garnier (I spent 10 years at this school), I met two people who make me feel better even when we are in different parts of the province, to this day.

Those two girls are some of the best friends I could ever have!

We know what it's like to be ridiculed. We know what it's like to feel like we're not beautiful (because some stupid hockey player nine year old told us we weren't). And, we also know what it feels like to be judged.

However, most importantly, we never feel out of place when we are together. We always find a way to be ourselves and to let our true colours show without the fear of going back to a repressed childhood memory.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still that girl; the girl who ate pasta 3 times a day because my Nonna told me it was okay to do so. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with being a child and liking to eat what your Nonna puts in front of your plate! There is something wrong, however, with seeing yourself like you're not good enough because someone else thinks so.

I have to tell myself this almost five times a day (I haven't actually counted, I'm just using it as a figure of speech), but whenever you feel like you're not good enough--for whatever reasons--think about how far you've come, the people who love you, and the true colours your true friends will never judge and only appreciate.

I can be nothing short of thankful for the people who love me--those I've known my entire life, others I've known for most of it, and those people who I've met throughout my time in university. If you are ever having a bad day, remember you have people who love you and they all love you for reasons you're probably overlooking.

No matter your weight, the size of your nose, the number of freckles on your cheeks, the size of your jeans, the number in your bank account, what you ate for dinner, or what you're planning on eating this holiday season, someone sees your true colours even if you might not. Your true colours are beautiful and you should let them show!

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