Saturday, August 7, 2010

here we go again.

I went out tonight with Nick for a burger, at a joint he loves in the town he was born, and a movie. I had a really fun night. We hardly spend time together now-a-days and when we do it's either a quick walk or a quick Tim Horton's run. I treasure the simple but lengthy moments we spend together and I am very happy with where we are right now. I know that this time last year was very hard for us and there were times when I wanted to break up and other times where he didn't want to be with me. I'm very happy that we've made it through the multiple storms. It just shows that we can withstand many things.

There's just one thing that makes me boil up inside - the fact that I have to keep Nick a secret from my grandmother. Doing that, prevents me from introducing Nick to my other family members who legit want to meet him.

When I was out tonight, my family went to my Zia's for dinner. There was drama, as always, but not around me. My mom did tell me, though, that my Zia ask when she could meet Nick. When my mom explained how I felt about that - since I am paranoid that my grandmother is going to judge me like every other person in our family who has brought a significant other into the picture (some worse than others) - my Zia was in shock. She told my mom that I shouldn't be paranoid and that I should just tell my grandmother to shut up, should she say anything degrading.

I hate this because I want Nick to meet the people who raised me but, at the same time, I don't want my very own grandmother stereotyping me as a young slut who rushes into things because I have a boyfriend and I'm under the age of 21. That's her mindset, though, so I know that I will be stereotyped and I know that Nick needs to stay missing in action until there is a wedding in the near future.

Why my family is like this? I couldn't tell you. But, I feel that if my grandfather was still alive, my grandmother wouldn't be so hostile towards love.

My grandmother once told my dad's cousin, who is somewhere between the ages of 35 and 40, that she didn't need to get married because if she did, it would ruin her freedom. My grandmother's sister, my great-aunt and my dad's cousin's mom, said that should my dad's cousin find someone to marry that she would be happy for her. But, my dad's cousin would not be able to bring him to my great-aunt's house.

Selfish? Yes. Ignorant? Yes. Degrading? Yes.

I've heard it all and I don't want any of what I've heard to be said about me.

You probably think my family's crazy, and I can certainly say that they are, but I love them. I just wish that they weren't so judgmental.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That is hard, you're family isn't crazy, its a common old style Italian thing. I had to introduce my old bfs as friends,and my grandmother gave me a warning look but still just played a long that we were just "friends" because like you I couldn't say we were dating. My uncle was told he couldn't marry the woman he loved because she already had 3 kids so apparently shes a whore lol. They love you and you know that, their mindset is just from another time, its something we have to be patient with and work around.