you're so frustrating.

You know when it's supposed to be a nice day out but then the wind starts, the trees blow, and the clouds take over - making the day seem more miserable than it should be? Making every little thing that much more aggravating? Making every phone call, every ignorant gesture, every misinterpretation seem like the biggest problem? That's how I feel.


Someone just phoned my house and it was either my mom's best friend or my dad's cousin, asking for my mom's e-mail. I accidental gave whoever was on the other line the wrong e-mail, an honest mistake, but the conversation bothered me.


If the person I spoke to had said her name or if her number came up as her place of work instead of "Private Name, Unknown Number" that would help me to identify who on earth I was talking to but let's just call this person "Lady."


So, Lady and I had this conversation:

Lady: "So Leviana what are you doing now that you are done school?"

Me: "Oh, nothing really."

Lady: "You're working, right?"

Me: "Well I start work in June! I'm working at a Summer Camp and then as a Student Leader for my school."

Lady: "Oh..."

Me: "Yeah. I have May off."

Lady: "Well, do you have your drivers licence yet?"

Me: "No. I failed last summer and I'm just waiting for my mom to be available so we can practice parking and then I am going to book my test."

Lady: "Oh, I failed the first time too. You should probably get your licence, soon."

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad's family, but this conversation gave me the hint that it might have been my dad's cousin calling BECAUSE ALL MY DAD'S FAMILY DOES IS JUDGE AND CRITICIZE ME FOR NOT WORKING FOR FOUR WEEKS OF MY LIFE AND FOR NOT HAVING MY DRIVERS LICENCE, YET.


JEEZ. Last summer I worked 72+ hours a week AND I worked throughout the entire school year (though most of it was volunteer). STILL - can't a girl have four weeks, or so, for summer vacation? In July I'm going to be working full time AND part time, and training starts in June.


I'm not spoiled. I pay for EVERYTHING. I paid for just under half of my residence and tuition fees this past year. I am paying for Kickboxing. When I start driving, I am going to have to pay for my own gas, my own insurance, and the potential car I'd be buying. My dad has already said that he won't let me drive his car because it is his car. Question: WHY WOULD I BE IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET MY LICENCE RIGHT THIS SECOND WHEN I HAVEN'T GOT A CAR TO DRIVE?


Eugh. Every other person my age in my family is SPOILED. With brand new BlackBerries (when their old ones weren't even old), no curfews, and no money they still tend to get everything they want. My cousin, who is graduating from high school this year, GOES OUT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT (even school nights) UNTIL 10:30PM. ON WEEKENDS, HE GOS OUT UNTIL 1:30/2:00AM. WHAT? In grade twelve, I was MAYBE allowed to stay out until midnight.


Oh wait, I forgot...I'm a girl so that means that I can't go out and that I have to be protected, criticized, and judged. Oh my GOD, the day they give me a second to tell them how I really feel, they will be scared shitless.


One time, my grandmother said this to me:

"Leviana, you should have your father's home made wine. You know, when you go out and drink all of that sugary bad stuff, you're going to wake up sick. I mean, it's your own fault if you go out and drink, but I'd rather you just drink at home and drink the good wine your dad makes by hand."

THEN IN THE SAME BREATH SHE SAID THIS TO MY BROTHER (who is 16 and I AM LEGAL):

"Domenic, you should have some wine. It's good to drink alcohol once in a while."

AH. Like, I don't even drink that often but the DOUBLE STANDARDS drive me FREAKING CRAZY. Honestly, I CAN'T STAND IT when my family judges me. It's horrible enough that I can't bring Nick to meet them.

AHHHH.