another wasted breath.

Dinner was good. Except, my dad was pretending like nothing was wrong. Whistling and sliding comments in directed towards me. So I did the same and he addressed my comments as a "sarcasm problem." I admit, I am sarcastic, but it's not a problem. Sarcasm is a literary element, father. I've always used it, it's effective to most people--just not you.


We talked about what happened but he completely missed the point and started guilt tripping me by saying that he bought the salmon for me and that next Thursday I am going to cook dinner so I can dictate things--because we've all etablished that he's the "dictator of flow" and God forbit we try and interpret him... 


I countered his argument and said that maybe I wouldn't come home next weekend and that he could spend Easter without me because clearly, whenever I come home, he has something bad to say. He didn't like that comment and said "Well, that's not very nice."


I said, "Yeah and imagine how I feel."


I feel bad whenever I make my dad sad because even though we fight, we do love each other. I just don't like how whatever I think, believe, feel, or disagree with is automatically wrong. If my dad thought of what I believe before I did, it'd be right. That bothers me. It always will.


I told my dad I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall whenever I express how I feel beacuse my expressions go right over his head. He said he knows that he's very hard to get through to and that's because he just goes with the flow and no one can interpret him...


Question: Why, then, does he expect so much from me? He told me that I should have just started making stupid vegetables if I wanted them so badly. If I had done that, he'd have a completely different dinner plan than I. He might have even ridiculed me for doing or cooking something wrong.


My dad frustrates me. The littlest things turn into the biggest. When I feel something, he feels it's wrong. He can never come down to my level.


I've been taught to just suck it up and deal with it but I don't.