Monday, May 31, 2010: in forty-nine minutes my grandmother will be put under the knife. She will be opened up. She will be torn. But she'll also be put back together. From 8:00am until 12:00pm, she will be in surgery replacing a valve connecting her aorta to the left side of her heart and receiving a double bypass. Things could be a lot worse, but that doesn't mean that this isn't scary.
My Mom almost convinced me to not go to the hospital today because my grandmother won't be waking up and my two Zias are going to be there. Almost. But, then I remembered how I felt when my grandfather died. How mad I was that I didn't get to spend more time with him. I know I don't need to be there today, but I want to be.
Right after the surgery, my grandmother is going to be put in critical care. I've heard that this is very scary and devastating. As long as my grandmother is breathing when I get to the hospital, I think I'll be fine. I do not want to see any scars and I don't want to see any blood (my stomach is very weak and my knees will begin to shake, my head will begin to feel dizzy, and I will faint if I am exposed to these things), though.
First, I am going to go see my Nonno and Nonna. They are having a meeting with their caregivers' manager (I think that's her title) to discuss if they need further/less assistance. They actually need so much more assistance - like someone cleaning their house, doing their laundry, helping them cook, but they are SO STUBBORN. Then, we are going to eat lunch and before my mom goes to work, she is going to drop me off at the hospital where I will call my Zia and have her meet me or direct me.
There is only one thing I'm missing today. I wish I could be there and be at the hospital, but I don't think I can. My friend Kris is home from England today. She had a rough time. I want to be there for her to tell her that it's going to be okay and to show my love and my support, but I can't be in two places at once. That being said, I don't know what time my Zias are planning to leave the hospital, so if I get home at around 5:00pm, I don't see why I can't go (unless I don't have a ride). But, I won't know until I get home. I'm okay with that, but I just don't want Kris to feel alone. There will be others there to support her, but I hate putting things on the back burner.
I am so hungry. I haven't eaten since 5:30pm yesterday. I need to go have some toast and drink the biggest glass of water I've ever drank. Today's going to be a long day and even if my grandmother doesn't recognize me when she opens her ears and sees through her medication goggles or if I can't be there for Kris, tonight, I am going to be there for them both in the best possible way.