she's loving him with that body, I just know it.

I worked out so much today. I tried out two of the DVDs I bought last night - the 30 Day workout one and then the Weight Loss Yoga DVD. They both made me die haha. Tonight I have kickboxing again with my besties. Whenever I work out or hang out with them, I feel really motivated. I look at them working hard and I say, "Hey, we can do this together." Whether I'm about to cry from the burn I feel in my legs or abdomen, I'm going to stick to my goal. If I don't weigh 135lbs by the end of the summer, I'll feel defeated. 


Ten pounds is very doable, I know it is. Just sometimes I doubt myself, you know? Like I ate such a healthy lunch today but I still felt like I ate too much so I did the yoga DVD to burn it off. The problem with this attitude is that food is appearing as the enemy. No, I am not saying I don't love food. I eat three meals a day and I try to eat two two hundred calorie snacks throughout each day. But, every time I take a bite of food, as my fuel, I feel this urge to go burn it off. That's good for losing weight but then right after I finish working out, I'm a starving animal! Like, I just ate a bowl of honey nut cheerios (they're high in calcium, low in fat, have a reasonable amount of calories, and a good fibre source) and an apple but my stomach is still rumbling. I had a big glass of water, well two actually, but that didn't work as well as I'd hoped...


I guess this is all a part of the journey to getting that summer beach body that us ladies always seem to want. I'm not starving myself and I'm trying to lead this healthy life style to the best of my ability for myself (me, myself, and I). I've noticed a change in my body. My stomach isn't as flabby. My legs are more toned. My arms are more strong. I have a lot of motivation and that's because I've put myself in this mindset and I know that the only person I'm failing if I don't reach my goal is myself.


I don't want to be disgustingly thin. I just want to have muscle. I want to be curvy and strong. I'm short (yay 5'2") and being 145lbs at my height is somewhat dangerous. It's not as if I'm unhealthy or anything, I just have a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) if I weigh more than I should (because of my height).


This post was sort of all over the place and I'm sorry about that... I guess my mind has been all over the place, too. 


I suppose it's because I'm so close yet so far. 


I've been where I am before. When I was going to grade nine I lost a lot of weight. I was a chubby chicken during my childhood, haha cute right? Well, I didn't eat carbohydrates for an entire two months and lost 25lbs (or something like that). That's a lot of weight for such a short time. I worked out every single day. I remember once my grandmother forced me to eat gnocchi and I felt like I failed myself. So, I went home and did crunches for 25 minutes straight - no stopping.


I guess you can call me obsessed? When I get into this mindset, I don't want to stop. When something doesn't go my way, I challenge myself to fix it two times over. I guess that's good, 'cause my motivation is getting me closer to my goal, but I just wish I wasn't so impatient.


I'll be fine. I'll just listen to Cory Monteith sing "and she's loving him with that body, I just know it..." over and over again during his version of "Jessie's Girl" from Glee. 


I'm excited for kickboxing, though. I mean, I've worked out so much, today, and I'm kind of scared that I'm going to legit pass out tonight but I think my girls will keep me motivated. Last week, me and Cass couldn't do this one exercise any more because we were red like a tomato, so we just started dancing. We still burned the calories, we just needed to give our muscles a break :P.


I'm lucky, no matter what happens this summer. I just want to look in the mirror and say "Wow, I really did this" and have that feeling stay with me forever. It'll take lots of work, but I hope I'm prepared.