Wednesday, March 17, 2010

goal: stop thinking about what i have to do.

The two busiest days of my week have passed. Monday was pretty intense but I accomplished a lot. Tuesday, yesterday, was pretty busy too, but I lived through it.

The time spent between these two days were horrible, though. On Monday night I ate a charbroiled chicken burger from the residence "dining" hall aka the residence "shitty food" caf. My roommate and I began feeling like death on Monday night and we woke up on Tuesday morning to nauseous pains in our stomachs, headaches, exhaustion, and heavy eyes. Something was in that chicken.

I also didn't sleep very well on Monday night, so maybe that's why I felt like complete ass on Tuesday morning. I used to experience anxiety and sometimes it comes back when I have too much on my mind or if I am pushing myself too hard. I think Monday night's restlessness was a combination of the two.

I first experienced anxiety when I was in grade 8. Why would I be stressed in grade 8? I wish I could honestly tell you, but I think it was because I worried myself thinking about everything over and over again. I know, I wasn't even 13 years old at the time and there wasn't much to study for, but a history test, a math test, a boy who wouldn't even look at me, an overweight problem, and an automatic crying gland that just went off at every comment, didn't make 13 so easy.

I experienced anxiety on Monday night because I was up late working on this case study on Freud for one of my classes. It made no sense in class. It made no sense on paper. When I finished writing the 1000 word piece, I was so frustrated with the content that I wanted to stab myself in the eye with a tooth pick. Hey, at least it would make me feel something other than Freud. That was really emotional, I know. Don't judge.

When I went to sleep, I was thinking about the day ahead of me that would probably not allow me to relax until midnight or so. I was also thinking about how crappy my case study was and how I had no time to fix it during the week except for Saturday morning/afternoon when I planned to work on other things for school. It was just a vicious cycle. So, I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted to and I woke up with what I'm going to call the unknown disease from my charbroiled chicken burger.

I woke up before my alarm which gave me half an hour or so to fix up my case study. I succeeded in this and felt better with myself after I did so. However, when I went to work for a few hours in the morning, I felt like I could fall over and die at any moment. But of course, I tried to smile and not think about how I was feeling.

I didn't feel better until after dinner, but I feel better right now which is good news because at around 12:00p.m., today, I'm going downtown Toronto to tour CBC radio! Since it is St. Patrick's day, I think some girls and I are going to go out for dinner. Since it's also expected to reach a high of 17 DEGREES CELSIUS today, we're hoping to find a nice patio to sit, eat, drink, and relax.

Then, tomorrow will hit me like a tonne of bricks because I have class and a busy day at work. However after work I'm going to go to yoga and then to Linx pub on campus for a night of dancing and fun. I haven't had one of those in a while and I plan on remembering this one.

1 comment:

neverfit said...

I used to have the "automatic crying gland" too. (That's a good way of putting it, btw!) I now consider it a personal triumph when I don't burst out crying when insulted or hurt... :P

Also, I just took your online survey, so that should help you some! :)

Do you have any tips for how I could change the format of my blog to look more like yours? I don't like my current layout, I think it looks too juvenile...