It is 8:38a.m. on Tuesday, March 9, 2010. Where are you?
Where am I? I'm sitting on my bed about to read some Freud. I'm currently reading his essay called "The Aetiology of Hysteria" which focuses on Freud's original conclusion that every psychotic person experiences acts of hysteria (whether that be throwing up or killing people) because of being a victim of sexual molestation in their youth.
I haven't got to the part where Freud says he knows he was wrong about this situation, but I think, for starters, it is because he limits his analysis to women (since men are not typically victims).
It's a pretty interesting essay, but it scares me a little.
In my Horror Fiction class in grade 12, I wrote an essay on Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo. To my recollection, the two were not assaulted in their youth but they just did the assaulting. One rape and killing was actually done to Homolka's sister around Christmas time. The two got her drunk, raped, and killed her. Bernardo asked Homolka to perform oral sex on her sister (while she was dead, I believe--I might be wrong) and she did and admitted to enjoying it. What? That's some serious problem. They were so violent throughout the attack that she choked on her own vomit, a factor in her death.
It is my worst fear to be in a relationship or in a situation where sexual molestation is forced upon me. Watching the film "The Last House on the Left," for example, has legit scared me into fearing all men and women that I don't know.
I don't understand how people can be so compelled to hurt another person so much so that they either die instantly or live with the trauma. I know that if this happened to me, I hope to God it does not--yes, I knocked on wood--I'd become trapped in that exact time period. My mind would run through every aspect of the incident time and time again until one day, it just got the best of me.
I don't wish this upon every one else. I can't say whether I've seen it happen, because I haven't, but I've seen what I need to to know that rape is the absolute worst thing anyone can do to another person.
For those of you reading this who have experienced a situation where you were assaulted in any way, please tell someone.