Tuesday, March 9, 2010

freakish.

It is 8:38a.m. on Tuesday, March 9, 2010. Where are you?

Where am I? I'm sitting on my bed about to read some Freud. I'm currently reading his essay called "The Aetiology of Hysteria" which focuses on Freud's original conclusion that every psychotic person experiences acts of hysteria (whether that be throwing up or killing people) because of being a victim of sexual molestation in their youth.

I haven't got to the part where Freud says he knows he was wrong about this situation, but I think, for starters, it is because he limits his analysis to women (since men are not typically victims).

It's a pretty interesting essay, but it scares me a little.

In my Horror Fiction class in grade 12, I wrote an essay on Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo. To my recollection, the two were not assaulted in their youth but they just did the assaulting. One rape and killing was actually done to Homolka's sister around Christmas time. The two got her drunk, raped, and killed her. Bernardo asked Homolka to perform oral sex on her sister (while she was dead, I believe--I might be wrong) and she did and admitted to enjoying it. What? That's some serious problem. They were so violent throughout the attack that she choked on her own vomit, a factor in her death.

It is my worst fear to be in a relationship or in a situation where sexual molestation is forced upon me. Watching the film "The Last House on the Left," for example, has legit scared me into fearing all men and women that I don't know.

I don't understand how people can be so compelled to hurt another person so much so that they either die instantly or live with the trauma. I know that if this happened to me, I hope to God it does not--yes, I knocked on wood--I'd become trapped in that exact time period. My mind would run through every aspect of the incident time and time again until one day, it just got the best of me.

I don't wish this upon every one else. I can't say whether I've seen it happen, because I haven't, but I've seen what I need to to know that rape is the absolute worst thing anyone can do to another person.

For those of you reading this who have experienced a situation where you were assaulted in any way, please tell someone.

3 comments:

neverfit said...

This is such a fascinating post! Personally, I prefer Jung to Freud, but it sounds like an interesting read - I might check it out!

I would almost agree with Freud only he doesn't include physical abuse, which is what I experienced...

belle in arms said...

You write beautifully. Just saw that you've linked to my blog. Thank you so much! <3

Barry said...

Thank God you haven't fallen victim to sexual abuse. It's regrettable and sad that you've been scared into fearing all men and women who are unfamiliar to you, but it's better to be cautious than sorry.

Based on what they've told me, I estimate that 40%-50% of the women I know have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual abuse (childhood or domestic) or rape. It's disturbingly prevalent; of course we can safely say that the numbers in general are far higher than are being reported.

You said if you were in a situation of sexual molestation that, "I'd become trapped in that exact time period. My mind would run through every aspect of the incident time and time again until one day, it just got the best of me."

I can't argue that point because I don't know you, and no one can say how they'd handle such a situation until it happens. But I wonder if you wouldn't cope better than you believe.

I've had some intimately personal conversations with these women I know who've been abused and/or raped (I have an incredible amount of respect for anyone who's courageous enough to come forward), and all of them (with one exception)have been able to move on and have adjusted fairly well.

I'm not saying that a woman can just put these experiences behind her; I believe that everyone carries the effects of abuse with them to varying degrees. But there is hope in the ablility to carry on and lead a normal life. The human spirit to rise above adversity can be very powerful.


As an aside, good luck with your STAMP interview tomorrow. It sounds pretty gruelling!