Thursday, February 25, 2010

you'll probably think i'm crazy after you read this, but it's ok.

I have changed a lot since that first time I saw him in grade 9 science class. I've lost and gained a lot along the way, from friends to weight to taste in music. I was once told not to fall in love in high school because being in love so young would make my brain turn to mush and prevent it from developing as it should. Almost like the rule that youth shouldn't be fooling around with drugs and alcohol because they wouldn't mentally develop properly. Well, people haven't been listening to the latter for years so I decided to have a little fun of my own and fall in love in high school.

It makes no sense how we got together, actually. We just did. I wasn't expecting anything. In fact, I finally stopped crushing on a certain bad habit and decided to become senile towards any male being. Then, we started hanging out a bit more, him and I. We went to a few cheesy birthdays, some awkward skating group dates, and the movies. Then he asked me to be with him because I'd make him the happiest boy in the world. I said yes and to this day I remember the way his nose was red from the cold early January air and how his winter coat was probably three sizes too big for him.

For those of you who don't know who this "he" fella is, I'm talking about my boyfriend. We've had so many problems but tonight was something different. We fought, but for the first time in our relationship he said something that made me cry and long for him more than ever before. He said he wanted to leave me because I deserved better than him. Because he wasn't good enough for me. Because he has no hope for himself.

I always accuse him of being selfish and so caught up in his world that he just forgets about me, like I'm his option. I didn't see this tonight, though. Our fight did spring from that topic, but it ended on good terms and we didn't break up (obviously, or else I probably would be writing a very different post).

We are able to get through the most horrible of arguments, still know that we will always love each other even when we avoid talking for a while, and we can be ourselves entirely without judgment.

Relationships are not supposed to be easy. I'm willing to work out all the kinks with no expectations that another won't form in a month or two. I'd rather fight with someone I love everyday for the rest of my life than be miserable without them.

Maybe that's unhealthy for some, but for me it works. Truth is, me and my boyfriend are perfect 80 per cent of the time. It's that 20 per cent of the time, which includes PMS, stressful periods during school, misread text messages, and the like, that cause the explosions.

With all of that said and done, the fights we do have can't even be compared to the good time's we've shared. I wouldn't trade those for the world.

I'd take honesty, bluntness, real love, tears, make up kisses, and disagreements over perfection any day.

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