Saturday, January 16, 2010

intensity in ten cities.

This is a letter, or a confession, or a bing jumble of words to anyone. It's not specific nor thought out. 

There are some things in life that we will never know the answer to. Like how he decided to take advantage of you, how she mistreats you, or how your family is supposed to be your biggest support system but continuously lets you down.

From what I do know, though, we were all put on this earth to live our lives the way we ought to. To you, you might want to live your life with lots of sex, passion, and material. To another you, you might want to live your life with your bottle of wine. To someone else, they may want to live their life in the dark--where no one knows their name. Everyone is different, but I want to live my life as the person I am. Unfortunately, I'm hindered almost every day of my life.

My dad asked me yesterday if I had any problems...I looked at him (straight in the face) and said that I don't. I don't, really, have any problems except for one that eats away at me all the time but I can't open my mouth because I'll be judged and disowned.

I've always wanted to stop caring what other people think, but if I open my mouth I'll be judged by my own blood, my own flesh and bone. It's different when the people are insignificant but when they're my own kind, I just have to sit in silence and accept whatever comes my way, whether I like it or not.

I'll never be able to tell you that I respect you but that I feel disrespected because to you, you're superior to everyone else. I was always taught to grow up and become a loving young woman with great work ethic. I think I've come that far, perhaps just shy of the whole picture, but not once have you acknowledged who I am. You always say "Oh, she's not like that" when really, you have no idea. I'm scared for tonight because that means that I'll have to hide one of the best parts of my life from you, again.