Friday, February 20, 2009

Love is all you need

The following is a short story i wrote for my boyfriend on Valentine's Day

Love is all you need.
By Leviana Coccia

Love was all I ever wanted really. I was never that into fashion, or music, or hair like other girls were. I would just sit and dream of a love so strong that I thought only pretty girls experienced. I wasn’t pretty. I was anything but, actually. I was weird, I’ll admit. I was chubby too, real chubby. I had huge, thick, and curly hair that had never met a hair straightener before. I had eyebrows that had never met tweezers and eyelashes that didn’t know what a mascara brush looked like. In short, I was never seen as a pretty girl in the schoolyard. I was always just the clumsy, weird, dysfunctional girl with a big nose and two left feet. That’s me in a nutshell though. I am clumsy and I can be dysfunctional. I sing out loud sometimes, so loud that my voice cracks and I go beat red. I like euro music and the Backstreet Boys and I love musicals. I used to dance, but I didn’t go very far with that. I played soccer, but only scored three goals throughout my ten years plus of playing. I sometimes stutter when I speak and choke on thin air. I hiccup a lot and sneeze really loud. Really, I haven’t changed much. I don’t straighten my hair often, and I don’t wear a lot of makeup.
One thing that has changed, though, is that I met someone. I met someone who can drive me up the wall, crazy, and bonkers in thirty seconds. I met someone who listens to scary, loud music and has a love/hate relationship with the computer. I met someone who plays the trumpet. I met someone who listens to the Gypsy Kings. I met someone who doesn’t know what different types of pasta are called. Basically, I met someone who is—in a thousand ways—extremely different than me but also very much the same.
I remember that day so perfectly when I walked into my grade nine science class. I was nervous because it was a new semester and I was seeing new faces everywhere. I didn’t know where I was going or which stairwell would lead me to my class. But when I walked through the door I scanned the room, as any young girl does, for the cuties in sight. I started from the left of the class and worked my way over to the right side. When I reached the middle-right of the class I saw a boy with medium brown hair, big brown eyes, really long eyelashes, and a smug look upon his face that read, “I really don’t want to be here.” Immediately, I dragged my friend beside me to sit in the nearest desk to the boy I spotted. Being the klutz that I am, I probably tripped a few times and laughed all along the way making it extremely obvious that I was trying hard for some attention.

“Cara, let’s go sit over here,” I said.

“Why do we have to sit all the way at the end of the classroom?” my friend Cara questioned.

“Would you just come,” I snapped back.

Sitting in our seats, I turned to show her why I had made such a fuss of where to sit.

“See, I think he’s cute,” I remarked.

“Leviana, you don’t even know him,” she said.

“But I can get to know him,” I dreamed.

“True. He is cute,” she said as we both turned to look over in his direction.

I have to admit, that I got lost in staring at him. There was something about him that made me want to know more. Maybe it was the way he was sitting or the way his face was really timid. I have a thing of shy boys.
My mind raced a million and one thoughts and as the time ticked, I’d only hope that he look up at me. Until, at that moment, I was caught in my trance by an awkward look from the guy beside him—Joe I think his name was. I looked away quickly but could hear some sort of whispering behind me. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and the heat on my back as the two boys probably glared at me thinking about what a weirdo I was. Of course, any first impression I make would give off a weird sensation. Only I would be capable of that.
The time ticked past and the days grew long as I would anticipate 9:35 a.m. when my science class would start and I would be sitting only inches away from the boy I could only dream of being with.
As I got caught in my doodling one class, I noticed a slip of paper from my left merging towards me. It read: Leviana, guess who’s e-mail I got? Your lover boy and I have to do a religion assignment together.

What a sacred piece of paper that was. And what a silly thing it lead to. Being the smarty that I am, I grabbed my pencil and passed it over to Cara.

“Cara, drop this pencil in his direction will ya?” I asked

“What? You want me to…”

“Drop it!”

Cara dropped the pencil somewhat subtly towards Sputnick and turned away laughing. The boy looked up at me with a questioning expression that may have read something along the lines of “a girl is trying to talk to me?” Of course the lowness of his eyes and the curl of his lashes made my heart skip a beat or two, but I couldn’t peel my eyes away from him. Somehow I managed to speak.

“Hey, um, would you get my, um, pencil, ha,” I trembled.

With a side-smile-smirk he bent down and grabbed my pencil and then passed it over to me so gently as if he was just as nervous as I was. I reached for the pencil, hoping that my nervous expression was hard to read, and smiled in thanks. As I turned around, the smile wouldn’t fade.

“You do realize you just made me drop your pencil so Nicky boy could pick it up, don’t you?” Cara asked.

“Yes, I do.”

As soon as those words escaped my mouth I felt like the biggest freak in the history of freaks. We weren’t in elementary school anymore; we were in high school—the big league. Boys didn’t date girls who dropped pencils, boys dated girls with nice skin, nice lips, big boobs, and nice butts. I definitely did not fit that standard. But something about this Nick person gave me a different feel. Maybe I didn’t have to put on as big as a show as I thought. He seemed to like the idea of picking up my forced-dropped pencil, even if it was lame.
After school, I ran home to add Nick’s e-mail to my msn contact list. As nervous as I was, I hoped we would talk that night.
We spoke that night and almost every night after that. I pretty much poured my heart out to him and made it pretty obvious that I had a thing for him.
Cara came over once, and we asked him to go on webcam. He refused because he wasn’t wearing a shirt on since he was too hot. As lame as I was, I said, “I know.” It’s a corny joke, but we both laughed. By the end of it all, we had convinced him to go on video chat. He looked really cute with his hair all-short and his smile all crooked. He even looked sort of embarrassed; like talking to a girl on webcam was something he never really did before. Truth be told, I had never spoken to a boy on msn as openly as I had with him.
That night, we spoke about family, what he did for fun, and all the crazy sports he played. Every word he wrote, every smile he made, my heart fluttered like a childish schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. I had had other crushes before, but this one seemed different.
Weeks passed, and one day I had found the courage to ask him what he was doing that weekend. The class before I asked him, we were potting plants and learning how they grow. I went to check on my plant and passed by his desk. He smiled at me and I smiled back, somehow. I remember he got up to look at his plant too once or twice, and each time he did I would make some excuse to get up and observe mine too.
That night on msn I asked him what he was up to on the weekend. He said something about going to Laser Quest from 12 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first thing I thought was, wow he’s allowed out real late. And then I got all bummed because I knew there was no chance in hell we would be getting together.
Soon after that disappointment, I found out that he was crazy for this girl he dated in elementary school who had broken his heart. The good part was, I got to talk to him religiously, and the bad part was that he wasn’t interested in me he was interested in her.
I’ve always been the type of girl to accept friendship with someone I had feelings for, no matter how much it sucked. I would always tell myself that I should smile that we were friends. So smile I did.
After grade nine science, we slowly began to drift. Not in a bad way though, just to the point where we never saw each other and never had time to talk.
As my high school career began to fly by me, I learned a lot. I dated a good friend of mine and learned that guy best friends should not be dated, ever. Best friends need to stay best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. My elementary school crush thrilled emotions through me once in a while, but nothing actually succeeded with that. It was just pure infatuation. I needed love. I wanted love. But I felt like I was looking too hard. So, I decided to put my emotions on hold for a bit. No more boys, no more emotions. Solely fun, friends, and lots of pictures.
They always say that love comes when you aren’t looking for it. I have proof of that. Love only comes once in a lifetime. Yes, there is love between friends and love between families. But the love between a boy and a girl starts when you least expect it. When you have given up, love finds its way in your heart. Through the good times and the bad times it sticks by you. It may bother you and drive you insane. But it is always there for you when you’re sad need someone to talk to, or when you need a kiss and a hug. Love is unconditional. No matter how much or how little makeup you wear, or how big or small your butt is, love is love. It doesn’t fade and it doesn’t change. You can only truly love someone when they know everything about you. When you have become secretless and they have too, love blossoms.
I remember this day so perfectly. It was early December and I woke up to a new text message on my phone from Nick. Nick, I thought, We haven’t spoken in ages.

“I hope I didn’t wake you, but I just really needed to talk to someone. My ex and I were supposed to get together but she keeps cancelling on me,” it read.

Of course I answered back in a hurry, it was an old crush calling for help in an emergency. The texts continued and we basically agreed that Nick needed to move away from his ex because she was putting him down too often. Being with someone that hurts you, just isn’t right for anyone.
The texts didn’t stop though. After his first message, we began texting all the time. We would discuss our days, our homework statuses, and were becoming really great friends. We saw each other every day after first period and would smile in how nice it was to finally see one another.
One day, I didn’t walk down the hallway we usually met at for one reason or another and Nick got the impression that I was upset with him. I texted him in class reassuring him that I wasn’t upset at all.
A few weeks later, we both attended a Christmas party myself and a few friends were throwing where we awkwardly said hello and watched as everyone at the party saw something we didn’t. Nick lingered around awkwardly as I danced with girl friends and guy friends. Every once in a while I would catch him looking in my direction and feel a pang of guilt that I hadn’t danced with him all night.
Suddenly, I felt nervous to approach him. I turned to face my best friends and let out every emotion I had. Why was I so nervous? It was just a dance! I could dance with any other boy and feel no nervousness, just a feeling of happiness because I loved to dance at parties.
Slowly I made my way towards his group of friends. They all awkwardly stopped talking and faced me. There was one boy in front of me who hadn’t turned around yet. Knowingly, I tapped him on the shoulder. The last boy to turn to where I was standing was Nick. He was wearing a nice, blue shirt and jeans. He was wearing skate shoes too, which I thought was cute because though it wasn’t dressy, it made a statement.
Despite my nervousness I managed to squeak a few words.

“Want to dance?” I asked.

Normally, boys did all the asking, but for some reason it felt right for me to make the move.
Nick simply nodded and a smile grew from ear to ear. We moved a few steps away from his friends and started to dance.
His hands felt right on my waste. They weren’t too high or too low; they sat right where they should. I remember we were dancing so close that our ears were overlapping. It made me laugh a bit because that had never happened to me before. Despite the awkward ear touching, the music calmed my nerves and the dancing began to come naturally.
The party came to an end and I thanked Nick for coming saying these exact words;

“Thanks for coming Nick! Sorry I look really gross right now. My hair is really poufy and huge and I am sweating like a beast! I look like a man!”

Leave it to me to be elegant.

Despite my awkward goodbye, he said he enjoyed his time and that he had not thought I looked ugly at all. I woke up the next morning to a confirmation of this in my facebook message inbox.

“Thanks for inviting me for yesterday :) when you said, "I look like a man" at the end I didn’t think so, I thought u were 1 of the prettiest girls there.” was typed in black font before me. Nick thinks I’m pretty? I remember thinking.

This message got the ball rolling. I did not stop speaking or thinking about Nick for two seconds. We tried to plan a few hangouts, but nothing worked. Either he couldn’t come out, I was grounded and had no cell phone, or plans were changed.
One night, my best friends were over and they talked to Nick on my behalf and he admitted to being in love with me. Of course, I was right beside the girls even though I pretended I was helping my mom. That made me feel the butterflies. My friend Victoria said to him, “You better make a move fast because Leviana is worth it. Text her and ask her to hang out.”
He texted me that night asking if I would like to go skating with him. Of course, I said yes.
His facebook status the next day was “I can’t wait for tonight.” I prayed and hoped so bad that it was about me.
We went skating with a bunch of friends and spoke everyday. We would text until 2 a.m. and the texts kept me awake because I could not wait until I received the next one. Talking to him was just so refreshing. He was different, but in a good way. He was a good guy, a real heart warmer.
On New Years Eve that year, he texted me at midnight saying “Happy New Year, Babe.” I felt like Cupid struck me in the heart thirty thousand times at that moment. He called me “Babe.” Nick Abate called me “Babe.”
Of course, the love affair did not stop there. We went to watch We Are Marshall on January 2, 2007 with a group of my friends. We sat separately from the group though.
We sat awkwardly beside each other. Our hands were on our laps, we were not facing each other, and we hardly spoke. The entire time I was thinking about what was going to happen afterwards. Would he ask me out? Would we go on another hangout? What would happen!
I tried to move my hand towards him but I was too nervous to push my hand toward him too far and land on his crotch.
Finally, the end of the movie came and he asked me to go for a walk. We sat outside on a round bench and he said, “So, I have been thinking a lot about you. And, I have been thinking that you are really cute. And that I have been thinking a lot about you.” Hopefully, he was as nervous as I was. He continued, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
The moment I said yes, I nodded and rushed my lips to his to kiss him but me being the klutz I am, missed him entirely. My top lip his cheek and his bottom lip hit my chin.
We got up awkwardly and the first thing I thought was “Oh my, I am dating Nick Abate.” I was so shocked yet so happy.
Hand in hand we walked awkwardly back inside the theatre. A friend of ours yelled “WOOOOOO NICO, finally!” at the top of his lungs and our group of friends turned to us in smiles.
When it was time to say goodbye, we made up for our messy but cute first kiss and he held my waste and whispered into my ear “I love you, already!”

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